I'll Take the Blame and Say the Last Goodbye
by ox Autumn Facade xo
Summary: I won't cry this time. I won't break down, I won't even get sad. I'll smile up at the clouds...and remember all the good times. .Paige's POV.


First Charmed fic, based on the time frame of episode 21 of the final season when Paige and Phoebe are killed, but with a different outcome of the battle. Suppose The Hollow had never been summoned by either side, suppose they all relied on their own powers. And yet, one sister was still lost to the fight without a cause.

-In Paige's POV

_Words in italics are the lyrics to the song Sky Fell Over Me._

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Charmed, or Sky Fell Over Me by Shiny Toy Guns.

**.: I'll Take The Blame and Say The Last Goodbye :.**

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_Hey, down there_

_Don't worry for me_

_'Cause I'm okay_

_You cared_

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It's August 27th again.

I hate today.

I really, truly hate it with everything that I am.

It's the day that went and messed everything up.

I know she doesn't blame me, or _didn't_. She wasn't the type of person to hold others responsible.

I just wish she would. It would make me feel a little less guilty if she were to think it was my fault, not her own. I just don't think anything could ever change how much it broke me.

Things are different now. Piper and I don't talk as much as we used to, and Henry didn't work out. He didn't understand that I couldn't deal with the guilt, but I don't blame him. I know he had a lot to deal with and I didn't need to be adding to the list. Our goodbye was bittersweet, to say the least.

The last time I saw Leo must have been the last time I was over at Piper's, which was two or three months ago. I'm not sure, I don't really keep track of time anymore. He always has this small, sad smile whenever I see him and I can tell he's trying to tell me he's sorry. But I don't need anyone's sympathy anymore. She wouldn't want sympathy.

Things with Piper can't ever be the same. There's always this cloud of tension hanging above us, and we just can't act ourselves around one another anymore. I'm walking on broken glass around her. I know she doesn't blame me, but she's as close to that as she can get. She doesn't hate me, she isn't even angry with me, she never was, but it just isn't the same.

When I still lived back at the manor, two years ago, we gave each other a shoulder to cry on. But after the funeral, I knew I had to move out, it was for the best.

I was distracted when it happened, I could have stopped it. I was right there, I was so close, everything could have been different. We would still have our sister if I had been paying a damn bit of attention to what was going on. Piper, she was too far away, a couple yards I'd say, to do anything about it. But me, I was standing right next to her, and I could have done something.

I won't ever let it go.

I never saw Billie again. I guess that's a good thing. What she did to the family we had, it isn't something that can be forgiven. It isn't something I would let her live through, if I was given the chance. I do understand that she was manipulated, as was Christy, but it gave her no right. To take out one of us, it's worse than killing all of us. Two out of three ain't bad, that can't be true.

As for me, 'alone' would most likely be the correct term to describe everything about the current me. I have an apartment in southeast San Fran in a friendly building. None of us pay much attention to the others' presence, maybe a 'hello' from time to time, but it's nice. My apartment is relatively empty, several of the walls are bare along with several shelves. I guess it has that in common with me.

The weather is beautiful today, the sun is shining, the August haze is lifting, and it seems today is going to be much like a mid-summer dream. It's almost like they know they owe it to her, to make today one to remember. The breeze is gentle, almost comforting. But I suppose I can't really be comforted while staring into the stone that sealed her fate. Her grave really is beautiful, it has a picture of her on the left, the dates on the right, beloved daughter, beloved sister...

I brought three roses for her, tied together with small vines, to let her know we're all still with each other, but I can't help but feel like I'm lying after what happened to me and Piper. And, well, I brought them to make sure she knows she won't ever be forgotten. To make sure she knows we miss her. We're just as lost down here without her as she is wherever she may be.

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_Leave me here_

_Now I'm with the angels_

_And don't you say_

_"It's not fair"_

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I'm not angry anymore, I'm not resentful, but I am not, and I believe I never will be, ready to forgive. I'm not ready to tell myself that it's okay, that it was meant to happen because everything has a reason. I'm not ready to say it was part of fate and it couldn't have been stopped. But I'll be okay.

I won't cry this time.

I won't break down, I won't even get sad.

I'll smile up at the clouds...

and I'll remember all the good times.

I'll think about the times we laughed, about the times we smiled, about the times she would want to remember.

And I'll take the blame and say the last goodbye. Because I won't be coming back here, I have to try to let go again while I have the chance.

"Bye, kid." I whispered with a small smile.


End file.
